I Asked For it…

6 Mar

In western society, a woman has so many beauty ideals forced on her, and if she doesn’t comply with them she is deemed undesirable. Social cues also dictate how males and females should interact with one another.  I recently watched a video that discussed dating dynamics between males and females in the United States. The video discussed how most men take women on dates with the belief that he is entitled to sex at the end of it, and most women who feel uncomfortable doing so give in for the same reason. The video basically labeled these men as a form of a sexual predator; however, I have not fully resolved my feelings about this.  After watching this video, I experienced an influx of thoughts about sexual assaults, its victims, and perpetrators.

There is currently an intense discussion about rape culture in our society,where the victim frequently gets blamed for the sexual assault occurring. This is especially a big deal on college campuses where the element of alcohol is involved, and proper consent is removed. Society bombards young women with all of these ideals of beauty involving tight-fitting revealing clothing, and them blames them when they are sexual assaulted as a result.

I just wanted to take this time to provide a little information about who rapes. It’s also needed because SVU has placed a half- truth to what rape actually looks like. Society says that certain people don’t need to rape, which I find to be ridiculous because who needs to rape? Most victims of sexual assault is actually familiar with his/her attacker. In fact, according to RAINN, 73% of rapes were committed by non-strangers. You could be handsome successful family man and still rape. You could be someone’s best friend or boyfriend and still rape. When a woman is unable to or does not provide consent it is rape. If you buy a woman a drink at a bar in order to lower her inhibitions to the point where she is unable to consent, that is rape.

Have you ever wondered why rape culture is prevalent in the United States? Have you ever wondered why male privilege dictates that the crime is the victims fault? How about how women engage in just as much victim blaming as men? I remember a time in undergrad when a male friend, female friend and I were heading out to a friend’s party. A guy on the bus, in response to seeing  my male friend was with two visibly drunk girls (or so he thought), handed him a date rape drug to use on us. I can recall another situation in which a female friend of mine became so intoxicated she passed out and was well on her way to being sexually assaulted until we stepped in and rescued her from the guys carrying her upstairs. When things like this occur, people view it as reprehensible but place the blame on the girl for not knowing her limits rather than the guy who takes advantage of a bad situation. One of the biggest issues I have with rape culture on college campuses is that campus police frequently urge victims not press charges. College is one of the hardest times in our lives for many reasons; the most important being-we are trying to discover who we are and who we want to be as people. I cannot fathom why anyone with a working moral compass would force a young woman to ignore such a clear violation of herself, especially when it leads to bigger problems in the future. Victims of sexual assault are more likely to struggle with depression, substance abuse, PTSD, and even suicide. Yet society acts as though being raped is not a big deal.

I will end this by saying, 97% of rapists will never spend a day in jail…


Life Happens…

21 Feb

Unfortunately, I’ve been m.i.a from this blog for a while, but all of that is about to change! I’ve been extremely busy trying to manage school, familial responsibilities, illness, etc. However, I have been inspired to blog about a few topics so I will update those shortly.  I will try to post at least once a week *fingers crossed*:more frequently if I have the time +inspiration. Please follow my blog and spread the word. =)


Stay Happy,

XOXO Just A Girl

Happy New Year

5 Jan

So, its a new year. Yay! 2013 was a year filled with a lot of ups and downs and I really imagined myself in a different place at the end of it. I’ve always been a fan of the poem Invictus, and decided that this year I will embody it in everything I do. The last two lines of the poem particularly speak to me. Whenever I am down or feeling unmotivated, I remember that I am in charge and can change/overcome any situation/obstacle I am faced with. So I’ve decided to share it with you guys below:


Out of the night that covers me,
      Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
      For my unconquerable soul.


In the fell clutch of circumstance
      I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
      My head is bloody, but unbowed.


Beyond this place of wrath and tears
      Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
      Finds and shall find me unafraid.


It matters not how strait the gate,
      How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate,
      I am the captain of my soul.
                       – William Ernest Henley

Separating Blog You from You You: Online Boundaries

18 Dec

The Daily Post

No matter what kind of blog you publish, you’re sharing some information about yourself. Yet even if you write a purely personal blog or are completely comfortable peppering posts with details about your life, you may want to shield some things from the internet’s prying eyes.

We often encourage you to use social networks and other online tools to help grow your blog — it’s a key part of growing traffic, and it brings in motivating feedback — but not every online space you frequent has to be connected to your blog. It’s time to think critically about managing your online identity.

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My Story is MY Story: #NotYourAsianSidekick

16 Dec

Why is it that when a marginalized group of people choose to voice their grievances, the group in power tries to make it all about them? For example, I recently participated in an interesting discussion about feminism which stemmed from the TT #notyourasiansidekick.



Asian American women voiced their grievances about how they are treated in American society. Some of their grievances included the concerns of Asian American men; however, it mainly addressed feelings of oppression among AAW. I myself have never even viewed Asian American people in today’s society marginalized because they tend to be well-educated and thus have a higher socioeconomic status. BUT  I realized that in my assumptions, I too was guilty of some of the things they had mentioned. I took this time to learn about how Americans oppressed AAW, but others decided to hi-jack the topic and interject negative ethnic stereotypes and racial slurs because they felt insecure in their white privilege and failed to acknowledge their white guilt. Funny when it was what was being spoken out against, eh?

Over the course of this dialogue, one of the things that resonated with me was that AA are always asked where they come from as if they simply can’t be American. When this question was answered by naming a particular area in the US, they were then asked no where are you really from? It is our cultural sensitivity that prohibits us from acknowledging that other people can be true Americans or is it that ol’ white privilege rearing it ugly head? As Americans we have to do some soul searching because history has taught us that this is land of the immigrants and nobody is a true American, except the indigenous people who were killed off in an effort to colonize this land.

Another thing that called for my attention was that many people stated that AA were the ‘model minority’ or they’re considered white anyway and should not have any grievances as a result. Why is being white synonymous with success and why do Asians have to adapt another identity once they achieve it?


Lastly, why do white people feel that because a person of color voices their grievances or struggles, it is their platform to discuss how they have been wronged?We all know that the power in this country is heavily skewed toward whites (if you say respond by saying Obama is president or something along those lines you really don’t get it). So if you have all of the power, how have you been marginalized? When POC are voicing their grievances, it should be a time to listen to understand rather than listen to respond. If the dialogue continues this way, nothing will ever be accomplished. When whites feel uncomfortable, they play the ‘I bet my struggle is greater than yours’ game. This is usually done by stating that they were not admitted to a college due of quotas for minorities. Never does anyone think that they just were not good enough. Now I know this stuff exists and only a small minority of people are actually affected otherwise most universities wouldn’t have a majority white population when many studies state that Asians clearly have superior grades. Even though this does happen, why must the ‘struggle’ of the majority always be included when the struggle of the minority is the topic of conversation? Is it your dying need to belong or do you feel that your privilege is just that great?

Land of the free?!?

28 Oct

When did political correctness become too correct? It seems like the more we try not to offend anyone; the more we lose our voice. We can no longer disagree with something simply because we disagree! There always has to be a hidden thought/feeling behind it.

If we disagree with the president’s ideology, we are racist. If we are against gay marriage, we are homophobic. If we simply believe that a woman’s body should be governed solely by her, we are feminist. Where does it end? Why must everything have  label, and why are we so afraid to stand up and speak up for what we truly believe in without fear of repercussions?

In my opinion, this new age political correctness has caused us to be way too sensitive. It is alright to disagree with a person or his or her beliefs simply because you disagree. A difference of opinion does not make you any less of a person than anyone else. It actually makes you stronger. It is actually more difficult to disagree with someone than it is to agree. So do we avoid confrontation out of pure laziness, our burning desire to be liked and fit it, or do we simply agree to avoid being labeled negatively?


“Go confidently…

29 Aug

“Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you imagined.”
-Henry David Thoreau